This is another sequel to Ways to Show Employees in a Convenience Store That You Are an Idiot. For this list, I've expanded to retail in general. Having worked a few different areas in retail, I have seen customers do some pretty outrageous things. This list, however, does not all come from my own personal work experience. Though most of the items below have happened at places where I've worked, some of these are behaviors I've seen (and sometimes confronted) while shopping.
When you see that there is a spill on the floor that is being mopped up, do no go around. Stop, look at it for a moment, look around at the alternative routes through the store, and then walk through the spill. Step right in the middle of it. If there's a wet floor sign in your way, move it. We only put those there as a suggestion. It's vital that you put your foot in that one specific area, out of all of the store's vast floorspace.
That way, if it is a sticky substance like pop, you can now have the fun of tracking it all over the floor. We are desperate for the opportunity to mop up after you. We don't know what to do with ourselves if we have a clean floor for more than five minutes.
Extra points off if you are annoyed when you get the sticky pop you stepped in on your car's floor. Double that if you call the store later to complain, and triple if you actually get your car wash paid for by complaining about the stuff you chose to walk in. Triple again if you're the one who spilled in the first place.
Take a photo into your local digital photo lab and ask that an object or person be removed from the photo so that you can see the object or person "behind" it. Get really irate when the tech behind the counter tries to explain why that won't work with a two-dimensional image. Argue loudly and demand to see the manager, then get even more upset when he confirms that what you want to "reveal" by removing part of the photo isn't there. Insist that someone you know had this done by some other tech at some other lab, and we are just giving you a hard time.
Double points off if you use our inability to perform the impossible as "leverage" to demand a discount on the price quote you accepted last visit, on other work you are all ready having us do.
At a convenience store or other self-serve soda fountain, demonstrate your germophobia and your lack of knowledge regarding how things work by insisting on not taking the outermost cup, top lid, etc. At a grocery or department store, reach for the object on the back of the shelf, knocking everything else on the floor. Do this even with items which are vacuum sealed or otherwise contained in a sanitary manner, because you know other shoppers have handled the first one, and if the outside of the package has been touched by someone else, you don't want it. (Of course, it was put onto the shelf without being touched by anybody, right?) If an employee is there, make sure he or she sees you taking off the top or front few items, pulling one out for yourself, and then putting back the others, all of which you just touched, because while other people's germs are bad, yours are pure and clean.
Go into the same shop every day, get the same drink every day from the same soda fountain, cappuccino machine, or other self-serve drink machine, and complain every day that it tastes flat, watered down, or otherwise seems defective in a way that insinuates but does not directly state that you are being cheated. Each time you do this, find the busiest person in the store to give your complaint to, and ask that person to check out the machine. Watch him or her examine the machine in question, and change absolutely nothing about it, but insist each time this is done that the drink is now "better" than before you called them away from whatever else they were doing. Even after weeks of repeating this same experience, no one at the store will catch on to your act. If anyone does, I promise we'll appreciate it... this is the most fun game we ever get to play!
Extra points off if you also insist that you should get a discount because you took extra time out of your day to pull this charade. Double that if you ask for the same discount for the same reason every day.
After your first time having your digital images "processed", return to the department store photo-counter where you took them and demand the "negatives" from your new digital camera, stating with total irritation that you were in yesterday and the lady gave you your CD and your card but she kept your negatives. Refuse to accept any explanation regarding how digital photography works, especially when said explanation includes the fact that digital cameras do not produce negatives. It doesn't matter that you never put film into your camera... you should still be getting film out of it, right?
Enter a store shirtless, or shoeless, right through a door with a sign on it that clearly states that a shirt and shoes must be worn inside the store. Those signs are only for other people. Surely they don't mean you... everyone wants to see your naked lady tattoo, pierced nipples, or fascinating foot fungus. Trust me... you are the only source of entertainment we have! Of course, there's never any safety concern in the store related to stuff on the floor coming into contact with your feet, or hygiene issues regarding your partial nudity and the food we serve.
Act surprised and maybe even a little offended when staff informs you of clothing requirements and requests that next time you come in, you wear said items. Certainly, it's odd for us to notice six feet and 230 pounds (or more) of half-naked man-flesh strolling past us in the store.
Extra points off if you make a big deal out of the incident in front of other customers. Of course they'll be on your side. What's a little pit hair among friends?
Double that if you come in shirtless and covered with "adult" body art, stinky pits, or if huge, painful looking piercings dangle from your nipples as you lean over our grill to get what you want to buy.
Triple if you are a repeat offender and you have the nerve to act surprised each time you are told to wear clothes while shopping.
Leave a roll of film in the bottom of your camera bag, or even in your camera, for a decade, through changes in temperature and moisture, etc. On discovering it, take it into a cheap pharmacy photo center and have it developed and printed. Get mad when you get it back and there are flaws on the film because of that time last August when you left your camera in the car for a week. Blame their developing process, and demand a refund, but expect to be allowed to keep the film and the prints.
Bring your shedding, long haired pet cat or hyperactive, ill-behaved, tiny little dog into a store where food is sold, particularly where that food is open to the air, as with a roller grill or salad bar. Expect to not be told that your pet cannot be in the store around the food. Insist that your pet is your helper animal and you can't go anywhere without her. Certainly, everyone should understand that your super-special pet is exempt from reality, and therefore has no offending dander, will never find a person with whom he/she can't get along, and won't drop any hair anywhere in the store.
When another customer asks for your "card", (a requirement for helper animals) because your animal isn't behaving like a helper animal, act offended that anyone would doubt for a moment that your pet would be one.
If store employees insist that you take your precious little furbaby outside, throw a fit. Demand the phone number for customer service, and leave in a huff.
Extra points off if you think you have the right to bring the pet in simply because she's riding in your arms, on your shoulder, or in your purse or pocket, rather than roaming freely about the store. Double that if you argue the point with customer service. Points off the chart if you do this with a pet no one will believe was a helper animal, like a speechless bird, a ball python, or a chinchilla. We all know how valuable that helper gerbil can be! God forbid we separate you from your helper mini-lop. Our apologies! We had no idea you had the only salmonella-free iguana in the known universe! We stand corrected.
Ask the tech at your local photo center to fit a long rectangle (your entire 35mm negative) into a shorter, fatter rectangle (an 8 X 10 print) without any cropping, borders, or distortion. Accept no explanation as to why printing an 8 X 10 requires the choice of one of those compromises. Double points if you insist you've had this done somewhere else. Triple if you try to argue this with a professional photographer who has been doing darkroom work since 1985.
Smoke while you are pumping gas. Get angry when the attendant turns off the pump. Act offended when you are told that it is illegal to smoke at the pump, because, of course, we'll believe you didn't know that before we told you, even though it's been illegal now for years. Argue the point with the attendant, as if he or she has any control over the law, because we know that while laws may apply to everyone else, you personally are exempt. Extra points off if you get other patrons involved in the argument. Double that if you call customer service to complain that you feel mistreated because the attendant wouldn't let you smoke while pumping gas. Triple if you quote myth-busters or any other group of entertainers during any point of the argument or customer service call.
Go shopping for something that does not exist. Be unable to clearly describe the non-existent item you crave, so that when you ask for help at retail establishments, no one else will know what you're talking about. Get angry when no one can help you find "the thingy that fits into the other thingy like this (Insert awkward, kind of obscene looking hand gesture here) and gets used in the electric doo-hickey that you use in your back yard." Oh, yeah. Every store carries one of those. It's in aisle six, with the what's-its, thingamajigs, do-dads, and three-pronged widgets.
Flush things down the toilet at our store that you would never try to flush at home because you know they are not flushable. Even though this toilet looks the same as yours, it isn't. It's a magic toilet, and it can flush anything. Really. Yes, you can even flush that fifteen feet of paper towels you used to wipe your derriere instead of toilet paper, because you just didn't notice the roll next to you. Ladies, this is also the best place to dispose of the cardboard tube from your tampon. There is no reason why you should be required to put it in the trash can clear on the other side of our giant, four foot by six foot bathroom when you're right next to the Magic Toilet Which Flushes All Things.
The clog is an illusion, and if you keep flushing, it'll go away. If not... well, it's the people who work here who have to deal with it, not you, so why worry? You know we just live for the opportunity to clean up exactly that kind of mess. How would we survive without you?
If something doesn't ring up right, hold the cashier responsible. We all have psychic control over our registers, allowing us to manipulate the way everything rings up according to how much we do or do not like the customer.
If the store is so busy that there are lines at every register even when they are all open, hold the cashier responsible. We store extra registers in our derrieres so we can pull them out and set up new aisles just for people like you, but we won't do it because we're all lazy jerks who want to watch you suffer... especially during the Christmas season and on Black Friday. Certainly, those are two times of the year when you shouldn't expect the stores to be busy at all, right?
If the bakery was out of your favorite doughnut late in the afternoon, well after baking time, hold the cashier responsible. We go back there on our breaks and take them all just so that you can't get the one you want... and yes, we know exactly which one that is. In fact, we went back there to get it right before you came in, because we knew you were coming.
If the guy in front of you in line grabs a bunch of the "impulse buy" items near the register, thereby lengthening his checkout time, hold the cashier responsible. The stuff there is not dictated by corporate... it was all our idea, just so people would grab stuff and hold up the line. As with the register, we have psychic control over all of the customers in front of you, and we make them do this so they'll take more time checking out.
If there's a new (or existing) store policy you don't like, hold the cashier responsible. Our corporation's chain of authority is totally upside down, and we make all of the rules. In fact, we made that one just to inconvenience you.
If your dog peed on your leg this morning, hold the cashier responsible. If there was an earthquake in Timbuktu this morning... hold the cashier responsible. If your chewing gum loses its flavor on the bed post overnight... hold the cashier responsible. We're all-powerful and can control everything, so it's all our fault. In fact, we're psychic vampires who live on the energy you exude when you are annoyed. If you don't yell at us, we'll starve. That's the only reason why such all-powerful beings as ourselves would work such lowly jobs as this.
At a very small store with a skeleton staff (one person for each area), try to trick the front counter girl into giving you an impossible discount by telling her it was promised to you by "the other girl." Even after learning that there is no "other girl" working at that store, continue insisting that you were there another day and "she" waited on you. Demand to talk to the owner/manager of the little store, and give him the same story. Act shocked when he tells you that no, there really is no "other girl" working at that store, and offended when your made-up deal is not honored. Threaten to go to the Better Business Bureau. If you are adamant enough in your point, the owner/manager will produce your mythical "other girl" by pulling her head first out of his derriere, and she will give you your made-up deal because the mythical, magical "other girl" has more authority than the boss.
The rules of convenience store and fast food coffee are as follows:
The pot that is the most full is always the most fresh, even if you just saw another pot finish brewing, and even if the full pot was all ready sitting there when you came in.
The "bottom" of the coffee pot is poison. Don't take it. Even though it's part of the same mass of liquid that was there when the pot was full, and even if the whole thing has been depleted in the space of about a minute, that part is no good because it's been at the bottom the whole time, and it's magically different from the rest of the coffee that was in that same pot. That's how liquids work, right?
The laws of physics don't apply to coffee.
For one thing, all things you seek should always be right in front of your face. If they aren't, it's because we deliberately hid them from you. This includes pots of coffee that are on the back burner, because in the alternate world that is the convenience store or fast food joint, it is possible to have twelve pots of coffee all on the bottom front four burners at the same time.
For another, the coffee should simultaneously be heated to state food safety standards, yet cool enough for you to drink it right away without having it feel too hot for your mouth. Convenience store and fast food workers have super psychic power over temperature, and we can make that happen.
Coffee pots are also magically able to change their contents to whatever kind you want them to be. If you are used to getting decaf from a red-handled pot at another store, all you have to do is pick up our red-handled pot, wish for decaf, and that is what it will pour into your cup, even though it clearly says 100% Colombian on the side.
Our coffee brews itself. There should never be any reason why anyone should have to be working over in that area. Obviously, that girl in the apron went over there just to get in your way. Make sure you tell her off.
Coffee attendants and food servers are not people. You can say any rude, inconsiderate thing to us that you want, including making generalized, disparaging remarks about the "kind of people who do this job" and quality of work "you people" do, what an easy, no-brainer job we have, and how lazy we all are. It's twice as okay to do this if you are at a store other than "your" neighborhood store.
Other customers will not hear you and make fun of your sorry attitude after you leave. I promise.
Double points off on this one if you do this while dressed for work in garments which identify your own workplace. Triple if it's in the same neighborhood as our store.
All items in small stores, especially convenience stores, appear there by magic. We never have to deal with deliveries. Therefore, you have every right to be outraged and upset if, while you are shopping, some guy has to wheel in and stock a load of pop or several boxes of snacks. What the heck is that guy doing, getting in your way? Also, it is of absolute importance that you notify the store manager that there is a big truck parked in front of the dumpsters or at the far end of the lot, taking up all of the "unmarked" parking spaces. She had no idea that our merchandise came in a big truck, and will most certainly call the offending vendor's company and demand to know why they can't send it using the all-powerful pixies we know they keep in their warehouse!
Come in looking for merchandise which has been advertised as some variation on "coming soon," long before the item's stated availability date. Get angry with clerks, cashiers, and management when we don't produce the item for you. Throw a fit when we tell you the item is not yet on the market. Insist that some individual with two or more degrees of separation from you (my cousin's roommate) has one, and you know we have them "in the back." Create as much of a disturbance over the item as you possibly can, because if you do, we'll be sure to call the all-powerful magic warehouse pixies to bring you one, or maybe we'll even bring out the special secret pre-release versions of all merchandise we keep stored in our derrieres along with everything else we need to meet impossible demands.
When you see that there is a spill on the floor that is being mopped up, do no go around. Stop, look at it for a moment, look around at the alternative routes through the store, and then walk through the spill. Step right in the middle of it. If there's a wet floor sign in your way, move it. We only put those there as a suggestion. It's vital that you put your foot in that one specific area, out of all of the store's vast floorspace.
That way, if it is a sticky substance like pop, you can now have the fun of tracking it all over the floor. We are desperate for the opportunity to mop up after you. We don't know what to do with ourselves if we have a clean floor for more than five minutes.
Extra points off if you are annoyed when you get the sticky pop you stepped in on your car's floor. Double that if you call the store later to complain, and triple if you actually get your car wash paid for by complaining about the stuff you chose to walk in. Triple again if you're the one who spilled in the first place.
Take a photo into your local digital photo lab and ask that an object or person be removed from the photo so that you can see the object or person "behind" it. Get really irate when the tech behind the counter tries to explain why that won't work with a two-dimensional image. Argue loudly and demand to see the manager, then get even more upset when he confirms that what you want to "reveal" by removing part of the photo isn't there. Insist that someone you know had this done by some other tech at some other lab, and we are just giving you a hard time.
Double points off if you use our inability to perform the impossible as "leverage" to demand a discount on the price quote you accepted last visit, on other work you are all ready having us do.
At a convenience store or other self-serve soda fountain, demonstrate your germophobia and your lack of knowledge regarding how things work by insisting on not taking the outermost cup, top lid, etc. At a grocery or department store, reach for the object on the back of the shelf, knocking everything else on the floor. Do this even with items which are vacuum sealed or otherwise contained in a sanitary manner, because you know other shoppers have handled the first one, and if the outside of the package has been touched by someone else, you don't want it. (Of course, it was put onto the shelf without being touched by anybody, right?) If an employee is there, make sure he or she sees you taking off the top or front few items, pulling one out for yourself, and then putting back the others, all of which you just touched, because while other people's germs are bad, yours are pure and clean.
Go into the same shop every day, get the same drink every day from the same soda fountain, cappuccino machine, or other self-serve drink machine, and complain every day that it tastes flat, watered down, or otherwise seems defective in a way that insinuates but does not directly state that you are being cheated. Each time you do this, find the busiest person in the store to give your complaint to, and ask that person to check out the machine. Watch him or her examine the machine in question, and change absolutely nothing about it, but insist each time this is done that the drink is now "better" than before you called them away from whatever else they were doing. Even after weeks of repeating this same experience, no one at the store will catch on to your act. If anyone does, I promise we'll appreciate it... this is the most fun game we ever get to play!
Extra points off if you also insist that you should get a discount because you took extra time out of your day to pull this charade. Double that if you ask for the same discount for the same reason every day.
After your first time having your digital images "processed", return to the department store photo-counter where you took them and demand the "negatives" from your new digital camera, stating with total irritation that you were in yesterday and the lady gave you your CD and your card but she kept your negatives. Refuse to accept any explanation regarding how digital photography works, especially when said explanation includes the fact that digital cameras do not produce negatives. It doesn't matter that you never put film into your camera... you should still be getting film out of it, right?
Enter a store shirtless, or shoeless, right through a door with a sign on it that clearly states that a shirt and shoes must be worn inside the store. Those signs are only for other people. Surely they don't mean you... everyone wants to see your naked lady tattoo, pierced nipples, or fascinating foot fungus. Trust me... you are the only source of entertainment we have! Of course, there's never any safety concern in the store related to stuff on the floor coming into contact with your feet, or hygiene issues regarding your partial nudity and the food we serve.
Act surprised and maybe even a little offended when staff informs you of clothing requirements and requests that next time you come in, you wear said items. Certainly, it's odd for us to notice six feet and 230 pounds (or more) of half-naked man-flesh strolling past us in the store.
Extra points off if you make a big deal out of the incident in front of other customers. Of course they'll be on your side. What's a little pit hair among friends?
Double that if you come in shirtless and covered with "adult" body art, stinky pits, or if huge, painful looking piercings dangle from your nipples as you lean over our grill to get what you want to buy.
Triple if you are a repeat offender and you have the nerve to act surprised each time you are told to wear clothes while shopping.
Leave a roll of film in the bottom of your camera bag, or even in your camera, for a decade, through changes in temperature and moisture, etc. On discovering it, take it into a cheap pharmacy photo center and have it developed and printed. Get mad when you get it back and there are flaws on the film because of that time last August when you left your camera in the car for a week. Blame their developing process, and demand a refund, but expect to be allowed to keep the film and the prints.
Bring your shedding, long haired pet cat or hyperactive, ill-behaved, tiny little dog into a store where food is sold, particularly where that food is open to the air, as with a roller grill or salad bar. Expect to not be told that your pet cannot be in the store around the food. Insist that your pet is your helper animal and you can't go anywhere without her. Certainly, everyone should understand that your super-special pet is exempt from reality, and therefore has no offending dander, will never find a person with whom he/she can't get along, and won't drop any hair anywhere in the store.
When another customer asks for your "card", (a requirement for helper animals) because your animal isn't behaving like a helper animal, act offended that anyone would doubt for a moment that your pet would be one.
If store employees insist that you take your precious little furbaby outside, throw a fit. Demand the phone number for customer service, and leave in a huff.
Extra points off if you think you have the right to bring the pet in simply because she's riding in your arms, on your shoulder, or in your purse or pocket, rather than roaming freely about the store. Double that if you argue the point with customer service. Points off the chart if you do this with a pet no one will believe was a helper animal, like a speechless bird, a ball python, or a chinchilla. We all know how valuable that helper gerbil can be! God forbid we separate you from your helper mini-lop. Our apologies! We had no idea you had the only salmonella-free iguana in the known universe! We stand corrected.
Ask the tech at your local photo center to fit a long rectangle (your entire 35mm negative) into a shorter, fatter rectangle (an 8 X 10 print) without any cropping, borders, or distortion. Accept no explanation as to why printing an 8 X 10 requires the choice of one of those compromises. Double points if you insist you've had this done somewhere else. Triple if you try to argue this with a professional photographer who has been doing darkroom work since 1985.
Smoke while you are pumping gas. Get angry when the attendant turns off the pump. Act offended when you are told that it is illegal to smoke at the pump, because, of course, we'll believe you didn't know that before we told you, even though it's been illegal now for years. Argue the point with the attendant, as if he or she has any control over the law, because we know that while laws may apply to everyone else, you personally are exempt. Extra points off if you get other patrons involved in the argument. Double that if you call customer service to complain that you feel mistreated because the attendant wouldn't let you smoke while pumping gas. Triple if you quote myth-busters or any other group of entertainers during any point of the argument or customer service call.
Go shopping for something that does not exist. Be unable to clearly describe the non-existent item you crave, so that when you ask for help at retail establishments, no one else will know what you're talking about. Get angry when no one can help you find "the thingy that fits into the other thingy like this (Insert awkward, kind of obscene looking hand gesture here) and gets used in the electric doo-hickey that you use in your back yard." Oh, yeah. Every store carries one of those. It's in aisle six, with the what's-its, thingamajigs, do-dads, and three-pronged widgets.
Flush things down the toilet at our store that you would never try to flush at home because you know they are not flushable. Even though this toilet looks the same as yours, it isn't. It's a magic toilet, and it can flush anything. Really. Yes, you can even flush that fifteen feet of paper towels you used to wipe your derriere instead of toilet paper, because you just didn't notice the roll next to you. Ladies, this is also the best place to dispose of the cardboard tube from your tampon. There is no reason why you should be required to put it in the trash can clear on the other side of our giant, four foot by six foot bathroom when you're right next to the Magic Toilet Which Flushes All Things.
The clog is an illusion, and if you keep flushing, it'll go away. If not... well, it's the people who work here who have to deal with it, not you, so why worry? You know we just live for the opportunity to clean up exactly that kind of mess. How would we survive without you?
If something doesn't ring up right, hold the cashier responsible. We all have psychic control over our registers, allowing us to manipulate the way everything rings up according to how much we do or do not like the customer.
If the store is so busy that there are lines at every register even when they are all open, hold the cashier responsible. We store extra registers in our derrieres so we can pull them out and set up new aisles just for people like you, but we won't do it because we're all lazy jerks who want to watch you suffer... especially during the Christmas season and on Black Friday. Certainly, those are two times of the year when you shouldn't expect the stores to be busy at all, right?
If the bakery was out of your favorite doughnut late in the afternoon, well after baking time, hold the cashier responsible. We go back there on our breaks and take them all just so that you can't get the one you want... and yes, we know exactly which one that is. In fact, we went back there to get it right before you came in, because we knew you were coming.
If the guy in front of you in line grabs a bunch of the "impulse buy" items near the register, thereby lengthening his checkout time, hold the cashier responsible. The stuff there is not dictated by corporate... it was all our idea, just so people would grab stuff and hold up the line. As with the register, we have psychic control over all of the customers in front of you, and we make them do this so they'll take more time checking out.
If there's a new (or existing) store policy you don't like, hold the cashier responsible. Our corporation's chain of authority is totally upside down, and we make all of the rules. In fact, we made that one just to inconvenience you.
If your dog peed on your leg this morning, hold the cashier responsible. If there was an earthquake in Timbuktu this morning... hold the cashier responsible. If your chewing gum loses its flavor on the bed post overnight... hold the cashier responsible. We're all-powerful and can control everything, so it's all our fault. In fact, we're psychic vampires who live on the energy you exude when you are annoyed. If you don't yell at us, we'll starve. That's the only reason why such all-powerful beings as ourselves would work such lowly jobs as this.
At a very small store with a skeleton staff (one person for each area), try to trick the front counter girl into giving you an impossible discount by telling her it was promised to you by "the other girl." Even after learning that there is no "other girl" working at that store, continue insisting that you were there another day and "she" waited on you. Demand to talk to the owner/manager of the little store, and give him the same story. Act shocked when he tells you that no, there really is no "other girl" working at that store, and offended when your made-up deal is not honored. Threaten to go to the Better Business Bureau. If you are adamant enough in your point, the owner/manager will produce your mythical "other girl" by pulling her head first out of his derriere, and she will give you your made-up deal because the mythical, magical "other girl" has more authority than the boss.
The rules of convenience store and fast food coffee are as follows:
The pot that is the most full is always the most fresh, even if you just saw another pot finish brewing, and even if the full pot was all ready sitting there when you came in.
The "bottom" of the coffee pot is poison. Don't take it. Even though it's part of the same mass of liquid that was there when the pot was full, and even if the whole thing has been depleted in the space of about a minute, that part is no good because it's been at the bottom the whole time, and it's magically different from the rest of the coffee that was in that same pot. That's how liquids work, right?
The laws of physics don't apply to coffee.
For one thing, all things you seek should always be right in front of your face. If they aren't, it's because we deliberately hid them from you. This includes pots of coffee that are on the back burner, because in the alternate world that is the convenience store or fast food joint, it is possible to have twelve pots of coffee all on the bottom front four burners at the same time.
For another, the coffee should simultaneously be heated to state food safety standards, yet cool enough for you to drink it right away without having it feel too hot for your mouth. Convenience store and fast food workers have super psychic power over temperature, and we can make that happen.
Coffee pots are also magically able to change their contents to whatever kind you want them to be. If you are used to getting decaf from a red-handled pot at another store, all you have to do is pick up our red-handled pot, wish for decaf, and that is what it will pour into your cup, even though it clearly says 100% Colombian on the side.
Our coffee brews itself. There should never be any reason why anyone should have to be working over in that area. Obviously, that girl in the apron went over there just to get in your way. Make sure you tell her off.
Coffee attendants and food servers are not people. You can say any rude, inconsiderate thing to us that you want, including making generalized, disparaging remarks about the "kind of people who do this job" and quality of work "you people" do, what an easy, no-brainer job we have, and how lazy we all are. It's twice as okay to do this if you are at a store other than "your" neighborhood store.
Other customers will not hear you and make fun of your sorry attitude after you leave. I promise.
Double points off on this one if you do this while dressed for work in garments which identify your own workplace. Triple if it's in the same neighborhood as our store.
All items in small stores, especially convenience stores, appear there by magic. We never have to deal with deliveries. Therefore, you have every right to be outraged and upset if, while you are shopping, some guy has to wheel in and stock a load of pop or several boxes of snacks. What the heck is that guy doing, getting in your way? Also, it is of absolute importance that you notify the store manager that there is a big truck parked in front of the dumpsters or at the far end of the lot, taking up all of the "unmarked" parking spaces. She had no idea that our merchandise came in a big truck, and will most certainly call the offending vendor's company and demand to know why they can't send it using the all-powerful pixies we know they keep in their warehouse!
Come in looking for merchandise which has been advertised as some variation on "coming soon," long before the item's stated availability date. Get angry with clerks, cashiers, and management when we don't produce the item for you. Throw a fit when we tell you the item is not yet on the market. Insist that some individual with two or more degrees of separation from you (my cousin's roommate) has one, and you know we have them "in the back." Create as much of a disturbance over the item as you possibly can, because if you do, we'll be sure to call the all-powerful magic warehouse pixies to bring you one, or maybe we'll even bring out the special secret pre-release versions of all merchandise we keep stored in our derrieres along with everything else we need to meet impossible demands.
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